"So I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise. My soul will rest in Your embrace"
- OCEANS, Hillsong United
There are times in this life that are marked by deep, unwarranted sadness. Moments of pain for no reason. Times when nothing is wrong, but something isn't right. I've had this conversation with only one, maybe two, other people who understand this phenomenon. It is not a feeling that everyone may experience, but those that do experience it understand it's complexity. The times when you cry, but you aren't really sure why. Those moments where you function through your daily life just fine, but inside of you a deep storm is raging. If I must water it down for you, it's like a "funk" times 100. An old friend of mine described it quite beautifully...
"there are these moments: when you don’t care that it’s freezing outside but you’re going to sit out there anyway as long as it takes, when you walk through the wet grass barefoot, when you stumble around the woods when you should be doing your homework, when you walk slowly in the rain instead of hurrying to get out of it, when you do these things that normal people wouldn’t do, and i think they’re kind of beautiful. it’s like there’s something inside us that just stops and while the rest of the world turns, we’re just waiting to figure out how, or why."
These are moments in my life that I don't experience often, and each time I try a little less to figure out why. I think there are just times in our life that God forces us to just stop and feel. Sometimes, we get so busy we forget what it's like to be alive. And life, true life, is not just superficial on the surface happiness. It is pain and deep rooted sadness. Maybe it's sadness for our broken selves. Maybe it is sadness for the broken world around us. Maybe it is sadness that God Himself has been forgotten in this world. I wish I knew... However I don't think I ever will. That's one of the glories of this life on earth. Some things are just beyond our understanding.
So, for now... I guess I will just dwell in this mystery and feel whatever it is God is weighing on my heart.
"there are these moments: when you don’t care that it’s freezing outside but you’re going to sit out there anyway as long as it takes, when you walk through the wet grass barefoot, when you stumble around the woods when you should be doing your homework, when you walk slowly in the rain instead of hurrying to get out of it, when you do these things that normal people wouldn’t do, and i think they’re kind of beautiful. it’s like there’s something inside us that just stops and while the rest of the world turns, we’re just waiting to figure out how, or why."
These are moments in my life that I don't experience often, and each time I try a little less to figure out why. I think there are just times in our life that God forces us to just stop and feel. Sometimes, we get so busy we forget what it's like to be alive. And life, true life, is not just superficial on the surface happiness. It is pain and deep rooted sadness. Maybe it's sadness for our broken selves. Maybe it is sadness for the broken world around us. Maybe it is sadness that God Himself has been forgotten in this world. I wish I knew... However I don't think I ever will. That's one of the glories of this life on earth. Some things are just beyond our understanding.
So, for now... I guess I will just dwell in this mystery and feel whatever it is God is weighing on my heart.